Swingers

Miss Modest has been bad bad bad. She’s supposed to write on this blog every week and she has failed. She’ll need to be punished, but in the meantime she will now make some minor amends, as punishment is something to discuss in another post.

In the wild world of sex and relationships, there is monogamy (being with one person and only one), polygamy (being with more than one person), polyamory, polyfidelity (variations on the theme of polygamy) and swingers. Miss Modest will go into the poly world in more detail at a later date. Suffice to say that there is a difference between poly and swingers, though they may not be completely exclusive.

Swingers tend to be couples, often married, sometimes dating or living together. They will get together with other couples and swap partners for sex. They will do this with any number of people they find attractive. For some swingers that will be a bountiful basket while others will chose a select few.

There are swingers’ clubs in most major North American cities (and some in Europe but Miss Modest doesn’t know how many–after all the Hellfire Club was created by Victorian upper crust, but naughty boys). Some clubs may be nightclubs with dance floors and alcohol. Some swingers groups will rent a venue for a private dance to keep the gatherings discrete and so that al same minded couples can mingle.

Some couples will use other venues and dating websites to meet up with interested people. Sometimes it is a couple looking for another partner, a woman almost always. The thing about swingers is that they are pretty exclusively heterosexual, or we should say that the male part of the equation is heterosexual.

There is an ingrained cultural mindset that has nothing to do with genetics which equates women’s desires with nature and therefore natural (or wild) for them to want to play with the same sex. Whereas the males see any form of sex with another man as a form of domination. Of course the dominator is the one on top or the penetrator. There is some silliness in the world of macho men where a guy having his dick sucked or plunging it into the anus of another man will declare that he’s not gay. Miss Modest snorts at this denial. Perhaps they’re not gay, but they certainly are bisexual.

But back to the swingers. In some cases where shyness, lack of communication or some form of “domination” happens, it will be the man that instigates the swinger lifestyle. Miss Modest has seen this happen enough times where the woman is dragged into it, believing it’s play the game or lose the man. A mate might convince his partner that they really want to try this, yes they do. Threesomes might ensue with the woman being a reluctant third. Sometimes the man gets off on watching his wife do others and sometimes he pressures her into doing this. Sometimes there is an equal swapping that goes on but the swinger lifestyle is set up with that heterosexual male mind in the forefront.

Most swingers clubs or dances will not allow single males to participate. They must come partnered. Single females are allowed if they come with another couple. Of course this is partly because single men seem to want to hit on any woman around but it is never an equal footing thing. On rare occasions might a single man be allowed in if he is vouched for by long-time members.

Some swingers clubs are set up with various rooms (often in a house or building designed for such). Miss Modest has seen fancy houses with heated floors, swimming pool, intimate hot tubs, bedrooms, home entertainment rooms (for all those kinky movies) and other themed rooms. There may be some sort of roll-about, general, giant cushion lust pit. There may be a room set aside where women just do each other, with all the men watching of course. The more intimate rooms are usually open to anyone but will end up with one or two couples in them, mixing and matching as they please.

What you’ll never see in a swingers club is man on man action unless they are super liberal but Miss Modest is waiting to hear about that. Usually if they swing that way, you’ve entered more of the poly community. Swingers clubs also seem to be more hooked on the beautiful body image, especially for the women. It is as if the men like to parade around their trophies…oops, wives. But if you’re too old or not of the ideal, you may find it a little lonely getting other partners.

Swingers clubs aren’t for everyone but if you want to dabble or dip your wick once in a while into the more alternate end of things without full-on immersion into poly or fetish, then swinging is the safe zone in-between. It’s very important that couples communicate well, openly and often about their feelings, what they want and what the rules are. Rules, yes rules. Some spouses will only have sex with others if they’re all in the same room. Some may need to meet the prospective other first. Maybe STD tests are required or nonpenetration is the limit. It’s important that one partner doesn’t feel pressured into the swinging lifestyle by the other but that both are truly into it. Otherwise, it will be the beginning  death knell for the relationship. Swing but swing safely.

Anal Bleaching

People are some of the weirdest animals around. Most other animals don’t bother about adding adornment to their bodies, nor about morals and modesty. But Miss Modest supposes that’s what separates humans from the rest of the wild kingdom. Still, there are some really odd mofos out there and humans as a group top the list.

Okay, let’s take the facts. Once we crawled out of the steaming mud and swamps, grew legs and backbones and started loping through the trees, we have had certain penchants. No, not sex. Every animal has that: it’s continuation of the species after all. But humans, like some birds and other animals, like bright and shiny things. Gold, emeralds, diamonds, silk, fur, etc. These didn’t start out in the jungles of our primordial youth with pricetags attached. They gained fame and expense because people wanted them, lusted for the texture, the taste, the color, the rarity. So it’s always been.

That human want has also extended to our bodies. Pretty clothes, sexy outfits, expensive threads. And of course body enhancement to yes, adorn or beautifysome areas, make them stand out, or change them. Most often this is to make humans look good or appealing to other humans. Padded bras, breast implants, penis extensions, hair cuts, tans, etc. all help to make us different and unique. Or to befuddle the foe.

In the land of the far out things people will try is that of anal bleaching. Miss Modest kids you not. Yes, there are people who bleach their anuses, their buttholes, their little puckered flowers. They want them to have that just born brightness. Obviously this doesn’t work so much for brown and black skinned people but others have decided a uniformity of color is a must.

Miss Modest could understand perhaps where a porn star has every crack and crevice blown up on the big screen. And along the way it became unsightly and unattractive to have too much body hair, or have any, or blemishes, or spots, or color that wasn’t of a lovely airbrushed finish. What to do about the area where the sun never shines, the poop shoot that is not as pinky white as your other skin Will people think your pooh has stained you, that you don’t  wipe yourself well? Oh no!

Bleach you bunghole well, children, because your future relationships depend on it. Seriously, if your brainpan is shallow enough to believe this shite then you deserve the buttheads you end up with. No one should base a relationship on looks alone and certainly not on what the nether rose looks like. “I’m sorry my dear, you’re lovely and intelligent but I just can’t see you anymore because your asshole is a light shade o’ brown.” What is anyone doing inspecting one’s butthole so closely for anyways?

Obsession means an unhealthy fixation on something and people who are digging the anal bleaching (where enough people have ended up at the hospital for wicked burns and rashes) have fixated on an extreme of what is beauty. Take it from Miss Modest, no one has ever run screaming from  looking at a normal butthole, nor do most sane and emotionally healthy peeps  get down to inspection of such. If you’re a proctologist, that’s different.

Do yourselves a favor. If you’re considering bleaching the bunghole, stop and give yourself a good look. Not on the surface but deep into your psyche. What are you really trying to do? Who are you trying to please? At the point of butt bleaching you may as well take that bleach and scour your dirty insides and mind because the true flaws are there and no amount of cosmetic wizardry is gonna fix your problem.

Sexing It Up and Lubrication

In sex there are many things for which you need lubrication. Kissing with tongues, vaginal sex, and anal sex. Perhaps for Mazola wrestling but that might just be sexy (or not) but not involve sex.

There are two types of lubrication: that which the body produces and that which it does not  This article is about the first type. Men do produce some lubrication but very little. It is in the form of pre-come, those little dewy dollops that ooze out of the meatus (that opening at the end of the penis). It may be a way to help lube up the joint and can contain active sperm.

The biggest lube producer is the female. The act of arousal for both sexes is to prepare the body for sexual intercourse. For the man that’s an erection. For both people there is a strong psychological element. Your body may not “turn on” no matter how much stroking is happening unless you are also emotionally turned on. There are exceptions, but they’re rare. For the woman, the state of sexual arousal is more complex and involves an anatomy lesson.

Step right up for a tour. There are two parts to female genitalia; the vulva or external genitals and the vagina, or internal. Looking at the woman before us we see the vulva (we are standing between her legs). Looking closely you’ll see a vertical slit. The flesh that forms that slit is comprised of the labia majora (the outer lips). At the top of the slit is a little nub which has the clitoral hood covering the clitoris, and right below it, the urethral opening.

Traveling down the slit, with the labia majora pulled back, we come to the labia minora, the inner lips. These are not inside but are folds of pink flesh that frame that mysterious rosy pink cave. Gently enter the cave and take a look around. You’ll need to turn on your flashlights. We are now in the vaginal canal. This is the spot men love best, the gripping hot flesh of the woman. But notice the walls. They’re rippled and textured. Why, the man in the back with the camera asks. Because they are needed to expand and widen. But we’ll get back to that.

As we travel the slow incline of the canal it looks like we have come to a dead end. But look carefully. See that hole in the middle of that big flesh disc? You’re looking at the doorway to impregnation. This is the cervix. Touch it. It’s spongy, just like the tip of your nose. Now go ahead, peek through the opening. You might need that flashlight.

Yes that is a cave back there. It’s the uterine cave where sperm go to die and a few go to live and form a union with the ovum. All right, back away now. Our concern today is with this canal and the parts outside.

Now, you in the Hawaiian shirt, care to guess why the vaginal walls need to expand? For babies? Yes, that’s right? Anyone else? The other part is for sex. The average man’s penis is between 5.1 and 5.9 inches in length. The average woman’s vaginal canal is 2.5-3 inches in length. You, sir, with the goatee, you look confused. How can a six-inch dick fit in a three-inch hole? Ahh, well, during arousal the vagina can expand in average up to 4 inches.

Still doesn’t work, right? Well, with arousal and pressure it can expand even more. After all, a 6-10 lb baby has to come through that hole (but labor sets its own conditions on expansion of the vagina and uterus). Besides the expansion of the folded vaginal walls, the cervix pulls back, helping to lengthen the tunnel.  I see some of you thinking that if you just ram in hard enough you’ll be able to fit your prodigious members.

But here is the most important part to the expansion of the tunnel of love. Arousal. Yes, you must turn a woman on.  This involves foreplay, stimulating the labia (plus all-round body stimulation) as well as the clitoris, especially the clitoris, and eventually the vagina.

Now we finally get to lubrication. Oops, watch out, don’t slip in that puddle. We should probably leave as the vaginal walls are excreting some moisture due to our entry. The walls will do this and it’s rumored that somewhere around here is the G spot but no one is quite sure where it is.

As we back out of the vagina notice these raised spots of tissue just inside the vaginal corridor. They are the Skene’s glands, equivalent to the prostate in a man and could be the source of female ejaculation. They also swell and are responsible for some of the lubrication during arousal.

Now, let’s get down to sex. What happens if you’re ready for sex and the woman isn’t? Just squirt some lube out of the tube and slide it around and then slip on in, right? Wrong. As shown through this tour, the lubrication will be there but the body won’t be ready. The vagina will not have expanded nor the cervix pulled back. This makes sexual intercourse for the woman uncomfortable or painful. Fake lubrication doesn’t cover the bases.

Nor does doing a little tonguework and lick to the labia. Though this can be a fun and arousing experience if done correctly (and can lead to orgasms on its own), putting a bit of spit onto the vagina does not equal adequate foreplay. Spit does not have the correct long-term lubricating properties that lessens the friction, nor will it of its own accord turn on a woman.

This is why it’s important to make sure there is adequate arousal. Oh and boys, don’t just rub one spot and presume that if you don’t feel a geyser welling up, nothing is happening. Depending on an individual woman’s anatomy the outer labia (majora) can work like a door, pressing down on the inner labia and sealing the entrance. This means that there can be lubrication forming but it won’t get out while your fingers keep the door closed. Probe gently and slowly because that will help with arousal rather than ramming open the legs and shoving your cock in.

Lubrication leads to good sex, and good foreplay leads to lubrication. You may need artificial lubrication for anal play but in most cases if a woman ain’t producing lube it’s because she’s not turned on enough. (Note that as women get older they sometimes can’t physiologically produce enough natural lubrication. However, they still need to be aroused for the sex act to be comfortable and fun for them.) Don’t delay, try foreplay today.

Foreplay I: Kissing

There are many types of foreplay but the most basic and perhaps the most important as an icebreaker that anyone should get a handle on is kissing. Yes, kissing. Of course not every kiss in every situation is foreplay, just as anytime someone touches you it’s not foreplay unless you’re a creepy pervo. Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss and sometimes it’s much much more.

Miss Modest has kissed a fair many people and can attest to a range of ability and sensuality. A kiss is your way in, usually the first introduction to the sexual acts to follow. Remember, foreplay should always be about pleasure and buildup. You don’t start with the big thrust and you don’t throw your tongue down someone’s throat on the first kiss. Foreplay is partly about teasing and anticipation–always. Not knowing exactly what is going to happen next or when can raise the tension and make things…juicy.

This is the delay to instant gratification. Instant gratification is a quickie but it’s not making love. It’s fucking. So…back to kissing. Start slow, start softly and build on that. The biggest mistake is to stay at the same tempo throughout (in most cases; there are always exceptions). You don’t want your partner getting bored or sore. Kissing without coming up for air, while a great teen romance stunt, does little for variety. Don’t kiss once and stop, with your lips clamped like a lamprey to your partner’s.

Wet kisses can be fun but can be very slobbery and if one person is drowning in saliva, then you’re losing the sensual element (unless that’s their kink). We’re talking the norms here and you won’t go wrong if you learn the fine art of kissing and practice it as an art. Keep it dry and if you get down to tongue try not to make it a swimming pool.

How to kiss takes expertise and the knowledge of different forms. When do you want a chaste, breezy kiss? When do you want a full suctioning out the tonsils kiss? A good kiss should have life behind it. Like a dance, you need to bring vitality into every limb and so it goes for a kiss. Firm, yet pliable lips. No limp bits of flesh and no iron tight lips over teeth. Don’t grimace your way through a kiss, be supple. Lips must give and they must take. Kiss tenderly, kiss passionately, kiss fiercely but kiss well.

Pay attention to the lips and kiss them softly, learn their texture and contours. Don’t crush them against teeth. Big ouch there. Don’t suck them down your throat. Gentle sucking, gentle biting even. And gentle, light probing between those lips. If you wouldn’t knee a woman’s legs apart and thrust into her, then you wouldn’t do the same to her lips (or his). And if you’re the type that would do this, you’re going to need all the lessons on foreplay.

Likewise, once you’ve pushed into the interior of the mouth, probing slowly, try not to let your tongue just lay there like a piece o’ dead meat. Explore, pull back, enticing that other tongue to come your way, to enter your cave. Technique is important. Practice kissing: a firm but not hard kiss with a little bit of suction (very little), a hint of regret, of sensuality, a promise of more.

Build up, anticipation. Don’t ever forget those words. That goes for the simplest to the most complex of kisses. And remember the lips are not the only thing to kiss. Miss Modest got very tired of boys who though sex went like this: a few kisses on the mouth, then pushing in with the tongue, a kiss, maybe a light lick to each nipple and a slobber on the twat, then wham! (We will get into oral sex and its art another time.)

The body is covered in skin, the biggest sensory organ a human has. It’s sensitive, it feels. It is the best way to get someone turned on. Sure, penis and labia are also covered in skin but that’s only one area. So if someone thinks your going to dive into their pussy but instead you kiss their ribs, trail your tongue over their belly, breathe hotly into their ear and kiss their neck, they’re going to be squirming with desire. Desire; a good thing.

Don’t forget exploration of the body. It can be fun and you might just discover areas that you never thought could push your sensory buttons. Kiss and suck on fingers, on nipples and the rest of the breast (the breast is not like a radio where you push the protruding button and whee, we’re ready for sex. There are tops and sides, the undercurve, the nipple.) Get to intimately know how to kiss shoulders and neck, arms and back, butt and thighs, toes and ankles, eyelids, thighbone, ears, everywhere!

Kissing is not just a quick smooch. It is a true master work. Miss Modest once got to judge a kissing contest. It was more trial than titillating with slobberers, droolers, suction cups and flaccid lips and tongues. Miss Modest will never judge another kissing contest. You will go a long way to turning on your lover, really preparing them for deeper and completely sensual sex, memorable sex, if you learn to kiss extremely well.

And if you still don’t get it, watch this youtube vid, which shows foreplay going very wrong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIIEwaEMOrE

Foreplay: Two Four-Letter Words Trying to Get It On

Foreplay, which should be really, part of play, but if play is to fuck, then fore is to fondle. Fondle before you fuck. This is probably going to be a series because it’s a seriously misunderstood act.

Guys, take special note. First and foremost, it’s true, women have  more buttons than men and most men will get sexually aroused faster than women. Men don’t have one but women have way more and one woman might have a different arrangement of buttons than another. You can never know too much about foreplay but you can know far too little. What you learn here may go far toward understanding the intricacies of the human female.

I think every man when he hits 18 or maybe 16 is better…should be given a book, with anatomical drawings of female anatomy, and instructions on how to carry out successful and fun foreplay. Actually, let’s make it everyone, men and women should get the book on foreplay. Aww, c’mon, you say, isn’t all foreplay fun? Not if it’s done badly and trust Miss Modest, she has seen bad foreplay.

Commit this to memory–never forget it: The amount of foreplay you give your partner on your first date can never be less than that in the future. Foreplay should increase and be varied. You will serve yourself well if you keep this motto in mind.

Let’s get to the first question: Why? Why do we do foreplay? Why do we need it? Because it’s fun, it’s a way to break the ice before intercourse and most importantly, it prepares your partner for intercourse. Yes, prepares, as in warming the frying pan before you cook your food. For men that means an erection, but also the preparation involves psychological arousal. Without an erection a man can’t penetrate an orifice.

For a woman, preparation means physical changes greater than an erection. Sexual arousal, which must always be partly psychological (if you’re not into it, you’re not going to be turned on), includes the erection of the clitoris. As well, the vaginal canal lengthens, the cervix pulls back and lubrication takes place, all of which facilitate the ease and comfort of the penis (or toy or fingers) being inserted into the vagina. This is an important aspect that Miss Modest will discuss more int the future: what is lubrication and what counts.

Using artificial lubrication can help but if arousal has not taken place, then it could still be uncomfortable to downright painful for a woman. Remember this: loooobrication. Very important. Only 25% of women have a regular orgasm during sex and about 30% rarely or never do during intercourse. Miss Modest firmly believes that that percentage could go up for orgasms if there was adequate foreplay. Although women have vaginal and/or clitoral orgasms (and there is debate as to whether these are separate or not, stimulation of the clitoris will give a higher assurance of an orgasm rather than shoving something directly into the vagina without some playing about to begin with.

Some studies show that the average amount of foreplay for a man or woman is about ten minutes. That’s average. There will always be people who need less or more. There are many types of foreplay and different types work better on one person than on another. Each person is individual. It will be many different articles to get into the types of foreplay. That’s part of the fun of sex; exploration. Some people can get by on little to no foreplay (kissing is considered foreplay) and still have an orgasm but chances are far better for a woman if foreplay is initiated long enough to achieve full arousal. Don’t forget it. Foreplay will always put you in good stead.

Dick and Jane: Mixed Marriage

Miss Modest wants to tell a little story of a mixed marriage, but this is not one of race.

Once upon a time there was a young man named Dick. He went to high school somewhere in Florida with a young woman, Jane. They hung about, they did all sorts of things and eventually they fell in love and were married.

Dick was a handsome, outgoing man. Jane was quieter but quite bold once you got to know her. They had been together quite a few years and were in their mid-twenties when Dick realized that he liked guys. In fact, he fantasized about them and got erections.

The more Dick thought about it the more he realized that he really really liked guys and wanted to have sex with them. Somewhere in that time Dick and Jane moved away from orange country and tighty whitey, right wing attitudes, though Dick thought it would be exciting to see certain men in tighty whities and nothing else.

Dick felt a great deal of turmoil. He loved Jane and had married her but his body called for men. What to do? Because he loved her, he finally told Jane about his conflict.

What should they do? Should they divorce? Should they become friends only, roommates? Should they try to be faithful only to each other, knowing Dick’s body yearned for more and that he was turned on a lot by thoughts of naked, sweaty men?

They decided to try a new track. After all, they loved each other and got along well, two halves making a whole. Jane was the only woman that Dick had ever made love to and he loved it because he loved her. Having moved far enough away from Florida that they could no longer hear the bible thumping, Dick and Jane decided that Dick should have some play toys. In fact, first they started with strap-on dildos and vibrators, things that Jane could use on Dick.

As they explored each other’s bodies in new ways and found out new things, Jane discovered she liked being a top, that she also liked wearing a strap-on. Dick was allowed to have real live boy toys, someone he could play with, maybe bring home over night, as long as Jane knew ahead of time. One thing Dick and Jane agreed on, that he could not date someone else. After all, marriages have been broken by less.

As Dick and Jane’s boundaries expanded, they came to know different groups of people; liberated people, experimental people, gay and bisexual people. Jane began to play with girls and found she liked it. But she still liked boys too. So sometimes on the nights when Dick played with a boy, Jane played with a girl, or maybe another boy. Jane came to understand that she was bi.

Jane and Dick continued this way, living and working happily together, redefining their relationship as it evolved but staying married and loving each other. They always met the other’s intended toy and once in a while Jane shared with Dick, when it was a bi man.

They realized what many people don’t; that people are not always compatible sexually and that relationships are made up of physical and mental elements. They kept what might be harder to find if they gave it up–their love. It’s not always easy to find someone compatible enough to love with all their quirks and twists, and few people are 100% compatible.

They adapted what was easier to come by–sex. They moved beyond the boundaries of heterosexual, whitebread America that still thinks of Desi and Lucy and their separate beds as the ideal. They moved into what suited them and personalized it.

Dick and Jane were a real couple and stayed happily together until Dick’s untimely death. But their ideal of the mixed marriage in sexual appetites worked well for them. They loved each other enough to trust and in that trust, explored their inner natures.

Orgies

Yes, orgies. Miss Modest was going to write the companion piece to the female genital piercings but has been too busy to research all of it. But orgies, they don’t always take research.

Well, yes they do. Historically there have been orgies in various cultures. The Greeks practiced orgiastic ritual (orgia) as part of the mystery religions of Dionysus and Demeter. They had an orgiophant (o-gee-o-font), who revealed the secret rites. Miss Modest would like to have had that job.

 Some famous painting of Indian princes show a kind of orgy I suppose. I’m thinking of the one with the guy laid out. He’s diddling a woman with each hand, one with each foot and of course there is one astride his cock and his face. That’s six gals but it’s not really an orgy and there is one person doing six and six all doing the same guy. Takes some dexterity though I’m thinking, and trimmed nails.

Orgies often involve group sex, as in a group gets together and has sex. It might be that there are six people and everyone just couples up and has sex with another person, but they’re all in the same room. It could be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or a mix. It might mean three people get together and another three, or that everyone switches around with each other for an all night marathon. It could be everyone lining up to do one person but that is more of a gang bang than an orgy.

Wiki contends that an orgy means more than one type of sex act is going on. So there will be fellatio, cunnilingus, intercourse and fondling, or sucking and fucking and variations of the position. One thing it is for sure is more than three people having sex in a group of some configuration.

Miss Modest had opportunity to participate in one orgy. This group of people included some people that were known to her and some who were strangers.Circumstance, opportunity and some alcohol (but no means a completely drunken attitude) presented the atmosphere. However, people coupled up and coupled. In some cases there were those “stuck” with a person they maybe didn’t want to be with or performing an act they didn’t want to perform.

That’s some of the problems with orgies: peer pressure or unclear communication of what will be done and how far people will go. In these days of sexually transmitted diseases, one must be careful. An orgy then means changing condoms with every partner, knowing something of their sexual practices beforehand and letting everyone know how far you want to go and with which gender.

There are some places set up for group sex but often the orgy is just one possibility in the purpose of the sex club, which is for people to get together in a semi-public way and engage in sex through exhibitionism, voyeurism, swapping or sharing. An orgy can happen in your living room, a sex club or on a train, though the more public the place the less likely it is to happen unless you don’t mind getting arrested.

Orgies might involve little or no penetrative sex, or one form of penetrative sex with a person but the use of many sex toys. Orgies have never been completely common place and with the problems of communication and spontaneity, and the advent of STDs make them still a forbidden fruit. And maybe because of that forbidden nature, they’re still titillating and naughty.

Many many people fantasize about orgies. Like many fantasies or erotic writings, the film playing in your head is perfect, edited correctly and fun. There are no awkward moments, no pain, no wrong smells or looks. Orgies may be fun to think about but they’re a lot more work than an erotic painting. And safe sex always needs to be practiced.

Piercings–Female

Everything under the sun, or in the flesh, or beneath it is now piercable or able to be pierced. Standard piercings for North America were ears, followed by more earholes and noses. We sat there for awhile until things went tribal, goth and fetish.

Next came (in no particular order) navels, tongues, eyebrows, nipples, lips. Then came septums (you know, the bull ring), labrets (below the bottom lip), monroes (above the lip upper and lower and off center like a beauty mark–Marilyn Monroe…get it?). From there, piercings went into between the eyes–bridges, through the cheeks,  frenulum–that fleshy divider in the middle under your top or lower lip, bars through the ears, and anywhere you can think of on the ear.

Embedding under the flesh or through parts of the back, neck or arms is also fashionable in the fetish crowd or those wanting to express individualism in different ways. These are called surface piercings because they go through the same plane as the flesh (along as opposed to two sides) may be worn until they grow out or are rejected) or in a semi permanent way. Hand webs (the webbing between your hand) are also surface piercings that are done infrequently. They can get caught on items, may damage nerves and have a tendency to grow out.

Temporary surface piercing with clean needle technique.

Following are a few pictures demonstrating a temporary surface piercing. This was done as part of a ritual that Miss Modest attended. In some cases those who were pierced experienced pain, and some pleasure and some both.

After the piercing, the tying on of ribbons, very carefully for an aesthetic appearance.

The final product left for a couple of hours and then removed.

Piercings of genitalia are confusing and still the more “out there” of  body modifications. But you usually won’t know who has them because they’re hidden away. Clit hood piercings are way more common than piercings through the clitoris, partly because not every women has enough to pierce and there is a possibility of nerve damage. There are Christinas, one of the surface piercings, often on the neck but can be found at the top of the outer labia going up through to the pubic mound.  It tends to be rejected a lot and not every woman can even have this one. An adaptation is the Nefertiti which goes deeper and higher onto the pubic mound and combines with a vertical clit hood piercing. The Christinas are more ornamental, giving no sexual stimulation and can be painful if too much pressure from tight clothing presses on them. There is some concern about infection that can be caused with the Isabellas, or nerve damage, which go deeper and through a lot of flesh. Many experienced piercers won’t do these because of the possible problems.

The fourchette is at the nether end of the outer labia. The triangle goes behind the clitoris at the bottom of the hood where the labia meet. Very confusing, some of these, without pictures so take a look on Wiki. Then there are labia piercings, both inner and other. Miss Modest knows a Jane or two who had these piercings and said they could be padlocked shut at times. Obviously this is for kink and fetish play.

Many but not all of the genital piercings are for increasing pleasure, mostly to a Jane but some for a Dick. There may be some sexual pleasure just from the thought of someone being pierced in such a way, or in seeing and touching it. Some people use barbells in the piercings and some have rings with a bead. Some jewelery is dictated by the anatomy of the person. Miss Modest knows people who have had all of these piercings though no one person with them all.

Healing times vary depending on the area pierced. Basically any piercing that has a lot of blood flow will heal quickly. The clit hood is one of the fastest healing of all body piercings and takes about 2-4 weeks. Urine also works as a natural astringent for the clitoral/genital piercings.

Surface piercings and those that go through cartilage are the longest healing because of low blood flow. These can include navel, nipple, ear cartilage and hand.

Some piercings that may be for fetish, ornamental or even spiritual reasons can cause other difficulties. Miss Modest knows a gal who had her nipples pierced with barbells, and then had a second set added behind the first. The nipples constantly ached and never healed so this Jane had to take them out. Hearing the wonders of clit hood piercings, the same Jane ran off to get hers done and found out she didn’t have enough flesh to make it happen.

Anatomy makes some piercings impossible for many gals. Some, like the clit hoods, may be pierced horizontally or vertically depending on the alignment of labia, clitoris and general genitalia (is it tucked under or more up front). Miss Modest has heard many good things about the clit hood piercings. Increased stimulation or orgasm during intercourse for many Janes who never had an orgasm during sex before. No one has ever said, I wished I hadn’t had that done. And if nothing else, the clit hood piercing is kinda like an X marking the spot for guys who have trouble finding the pearls.

Tentacle Sex

I say tentacle sex, you say hentai, let’s call the whole thing off. Seriously, there is some weird Japanese fetish for pictures of semi-clad to naked girls with tentacles writhing about them, and one would presume, should the imagine go wild or a little bit Cthulhlian, in them. Actually the word, hentai is analogous to pervert or weirdo, or porn in general. Shokushu goukan means tentacle rape and an 1820 print by the famous artist Hokusai depicts a woman have sex with octopi, The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife.

Tentacles are big for the Japanese. Why? Why tentacles? Why not noses? Or wings? I’m sure that those particular penchants are out there because there are some seriously fucked up fetishes, and then some just plain weird ones.

Tentacle sex probably falls into the range of weird erotic fantasies because face it, who is going to get close enough to a giant squid or octopus to let the thing stick its suckered tentacles inside them? Serious gross-out.

But tentacles are long and like, totally tubular, or phallic in shape. And they’re prehensile or able to be controlled by the mind of the owner. We always joke about the penis having a mind or head of its own and how guys name their penises because they don’t want 90% of the decisions being made by a stranger, but think about it. A guy who could control his penis so that it sought left, sought right, explored the depths of the fleshy, subterranean caverns, would probably feel very powerful and in control.

Supposedly elephant penises work on a piston because when you have a several ton animal on top of another several ton beast, humping and moving about just ain’t an option. So the penis, literally, does all the work, pushing in and out without the rest of the body having to move. Elephants have those long prehensile noses and I’m sure, though I have yet to research, the world of elephants and semi-naked girls.

There was one vampire book called Dracula in Love and it was truly creepy. In it the head honcho vampire (Dracula I think) has a prehensile penis. It can kinda seek out the woman and enter her. It’s all sort of bizarre and it’s been a while since I read the book. But how far can a penis go when attached to the body? Not that far.

Snakes are another prehensile/intelligent penis shaped creature but so many people have fears of snakes that it may be that tentacles won out. And they have suction cups, for holding, and sucking, as well as eight tentacles for wrapping around one’s body. With that many limbs you have the arms, legs and penis and still tentacles to spare.

I’m not sure I get it and I think there may be more guys into the imagined, many armed squid creature penetrating the nubile female than there are women fantasizing about tentacles. But there are most definitely some women into it. The other aspect of tentacle sex and its current popularity is that in Japan penises cannot be depicted in art. So what’s an erotic artist to do? Why, use tentacles of course and then you can show all the penetration you want.

Me, I got to listen in on a conversation. It was a dream but two of my male friends were talking about tentacle sex and one said to the other, “Well you could always put a squid over your penis.” The imagery was bizarre, I thought “Eeeek!” Imagine what it would feel like to slip the squid sheath over your penis, all cold and clammy and fleshy. Brrr. I’d like to eat my seafood not be eaten of screwed by it. And forget about something like that ever entering my body.

That the Japanese even have a special name for it speaks volumes about their diverse imaginations and penchant for…uh, seafood. After all, these guys invented sushi.  But tentacle sex? Only in my wildest dreams does it raise its suckered appendage and in absurd ways. It’s nothing I’d like to try, unless it’s stir fried, served over rice.

Wangs, Dongs and Schlongs

What is it with some guys who gotta have the biggest dick or think they’re the best if their prick is the longest or largest, when really they are usually just the biggest dick? Unlike cars and other boy toys, the penis you were born with is the one you’re stuck with. A few will try expensive penis extension techniques but most people will live with what they’ve got.

In my “modest” experience with men there have been long ones and short ones, thick ones and thin ones. I’m sure there’s a Dr. Seuss story there somewhere. Like every platitude that’s meant to soothe the bruised ego, there is often a grain of truth. So, yes, it isn’t how big it is that matters. It’s how well you use it.

The shortest I experienced, a little stubby, was indeed disappointing. Was he in or just knocking at the door? It wasn’t good for the long poke but rubbing against some things can feel just fine. Contrary to some people’s beliefs, girls don’t always need full insertion for fun. There’s a host of different spots that can cause pleasure or orgasm.

Now a guy worried about pleasing the woman he’s with can do a few things to save face and have fun too. We are all different shapes and sizes and lengths. The sensitive person and the smart one knows that there are many options and the final fuck ‘em stage is the last part of the sexual act and often the shortest in time.

What am I talking about? Foreplay! Yes, that word that can be so confusing. Guys, learn it well and it will serve you forever. It’s a small percentage of women who can get by without foreplay. The difference between a fuck and making love or having great sex depends a lot on chemistry and on foreplay.

So if you have a wee willy, learn the techniques. Learn to lick and suck and blow and nibble and bite. Learn to touch and stroke and rub and tweak and pinch. Some methods work better on some people than others. Sex toys and lube are accessories, just like lingerie and grooming. On your first date you’re not likely to have a parcel of gadgets and toys, unless you end up at your place (and it might be a bit much for the first time) but you have the digits you were born with and that’s more than what’s between your legs.

I think the stubby guys often harbor a secret shame. The stubby I was with the first time made me always wonder if we’d had sex or just foreplay. Yeah, booze was involved. I believe he had problems committing to relationships because of the issue, yet he was good looking, charming, witty, intelligent. We ran into each other many years later and did end up romping about. I can say he’d learned a few techniques and it was a completely satisfactory experience for both of us.

The other end of the rod are the boys with the long dongs. Either massively thick or long, these dicks can be daunting to many a woman. One guy I knew was so proud of his he was always challenging the “pussy” guys to length contests, intimidating them, knowing few would rise to the challenge. One fellow did and tossed his on the table. I wasn’t there to see whose was biggest but it shut the big dick up for a long time. Arrogance often goes with the big dick syndrome and this guy was no exception. He was a lousy lover, caring more only about getting his rocks polished than his partner’s pleasure.

The mightiest I ever did meet was a foot-long hot dog. Truly a daunting fellow in width and especially length. This proud prod belongs to a humble man who thought he needed Viagra. When you’ve got that much meat it’s hard to get enough blood to gorge the thing to full attention. Which isn’t necessary, because there are few women who could take in a cock that long.

I’ve had opportunity to ride that stallion and it takes work. Even more than the stubby a big dick needs to excel at foreplay. A woman has to be well juiced (and not just with fake lube) to take something that massive. The body goes through physiological changes during arousal, both men and women. For women the vaginal canal produces a lubricant that will allow easy penetration and make the process comfortable. As well, during foreplay, the vaginal canal widens with the cervix pulling up, allowing more room for penetration by the pernicious prick. (This is the nontechnical explanation. I’ll get more into what bodies do during foreplay another day.)

Without the foreplay the prick is going to be rough, squeezing into a small space without enough lube to keep it sliding. Slow and easy is the trick. Between the two big dicks I’ve known, one was mediocre at best and somewhat painful with the pleasures. The other and biggest was better.

In between Jack and the giant beanstalk is a whole host of pricks, with average range from 6 to 8 inches. There are some racial characteristics. Asian men are thinner. Black men are bigger, but not everyone. There is always a whole range.

My best and most compatible lover has been a white guy of average size. There were other white guys (and other races) of average size and they have ranged from good to awful. My favored is a master of foreplay. And that says it all.